I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
