its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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