you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
