yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
