Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
