C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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