You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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