I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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