i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Let's get the cat blown out
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
