Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
