please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
