Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
