isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
