Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
