is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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