mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
