hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
