I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
