So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
