What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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