I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
