I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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