Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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