Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
