I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
