I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
