it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
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What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
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6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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