WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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