I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
