That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over