whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My friends, they love my intelligence
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
