We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
im holly from the hills drunk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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