Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!