someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
