Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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