If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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