apparently the secret to your success is patron
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
