nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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