dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
