apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
