theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
