he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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