sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
