My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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