I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
