What a fucking waste of an outfit
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
