in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Randomize
