How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
