Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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