im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
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No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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