i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
