the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
