Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
