I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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