Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
