im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
