I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
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