can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I deserve this hangover.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
