bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
