I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
