It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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