absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
