I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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