Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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