She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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