Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my being single is dangerous.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
