there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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