she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
