why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i came on her dog
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
