Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
