Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
