You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
