worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
