Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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