I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
