you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
