I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
