Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
